Action Movie Fanatix Review: Cyclone

Cyclone banner

The Ultimate Team Of Woman And Machine.

Starring: Heather Thomas, Jeffrey Combs, Ashley Ferrare, Dar Robinson, Martine Beswicke, Robert Quarry, Martin Landau

Director: Fred Olen Ray

1987  |  83 Minutes  |  Rated R

“Ooooo.  Looks more like a battleship than a motorcycle.” – Carla

I had never heard of Cyclone prior to seeing the VHS on my local pawn shop shelves.  How could I possibly see that cover and not pick it up?

To keep a top secret super indestructible motorcycle out of the wrong hands, the beautiful Teri (Heather Thomas) must keep it between her legs.

The movie opens with Cyclone cruising down a desert highway as the sun sets in the background.  It then cuts to a close-up on a pair of sweaty breasts on a blonde at the gym.  That is quite an opening.

From here we learn a little more about the motorcycle.  It’s fast and it has some very special paint… the kind they use on stealth fighters.  And the helmet shoots lasers.  Impressed yet?

We also get a little insight into the lives of hottie biker chick Teri and her nerdy boyfriend, the Cyclone’s creator.  He talks a lot of gobbledy gook, trying to sound sciency and smart but I’m pretty sure none of it makes any sense to someone who is actually sciency and smart.

The best elements of comedy come from the bumbling agents from the mysterious agency who are constantly trying to track down Cyclone and always failing.

Cyclone is SO ‘80s.  Everything about it is pure ‘80s… which is awesome.  The soundtrack is fantastic.  Again very ‘80s.  The hair, the wardrobe, everything… super ‘80s and super fun.

Cyclone is classic escapist fun.  Super silly… unrealistic and stupid as all getout… but fun.  The movie is pretty forgettable, though.  It’s fun while it lasts but as soon as it’s over it’s like it never even happened.

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